Kuyambira tili mwana tinaphunzitsidwa kuti chikondi n'chotheka pakati pa mnyamata ndi mtsikana, ndipo ubale wa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha umakhala kunja kwa lamulo. Tinakulira, aliyense anali ndi lingaliro lake ponena za omvera okonda amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, koma pano chiwerewere chimachititsa anthu ambiri kusokonezeka. Kodi ndi zachilendo kuchitira amuna ndi akazi ngati ogonana nawo?
Zimayambitsa kugonana kwa amuna ndi akazi
Poyambirira, kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kunkawoneka ngati kochokera kumalo owona za thupi. Tikukamba za anthu omwe ali ndi kachilombo ka HIV, anthu omwe ali ndi ziwalo zogonana ndi amuna komanso akazi. M'zaka zamkati zapitazi, anthu oterowo ankaonedwa kuti ndizochokera kwa satana ndi kuphedwa. Pambuyo pake, anthu a "gulu lapakati" adasiya kuzunzidwa ndikuyamba kupanga opaleshoni, kusiya kugonana komweko.
Ngati tikulankhula za kugonana monga chilakolako chofuna kukonda, ndiye kuti phindu lalikulu pakuphunzira za zochitikazi linapangidwa ndi Sigmund Freud. Pamaso pace panali lingaliro lakuti munthu wabadwa kale ndi malingaliro ena ogonana. Freud adanenanso kuti anthu onse osadziŵa kuti ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, kapena kuti amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, kuyambira pa kubadwa ali ndi ziwalo za amuna ndi akazi. Kawirikawiri, pamene mukukula, zonse zomwe zimagwirizanitsidwa ndi zogonana zimayendetsedwa. Kafukufuku wambiri mderali anachitidwa ndi A. Kinsey, yemwe anapeza kuti kugonana sikovuta - pafupifupi 28% a atsikana ndi 46% amwamuna ali ndi chilakolako chogonana kapena amachitira zolaula ndi abwenzi awo.
Kodi kugonana ndibwino?
Mosasamala kanthu za kafukufuku wonse, asayansi sangathe kumvetsa kuti ndi gulu liti lomwe liyenera kuonedwa kuti ndilolera kugonana - kulephereka maganizo kapena zochitika zaumwini. Akatswiri ena amakayikira kuti kulibe amuna kapena akazi amodzi, poona kuti ndi gawo lachidule la kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Ngakhale kuti ambiri amakhulupirirabe kuti chidwi chokhudzana ndi chilakolako chogonana kwa abambo onse awiriwa ndi kugonana, osati njira yobisala kugonana kwawo. Eya, ngati zili zachilendo kuti chilakolako choterechi chichitike kapena ayi, ndizoyenera kuti aliyense azidzipangira yekha.
Mayesero a akazi omwe ali ndi zibwenzi
Ndipo mumadziwa bwanji ngati munthu ali ndi zibwenzi? Mu maonekedwe, izi sizingatheke kuti zitsimikizidwe, zidzatengera kuyesa kuganiza mwalingaliro, kochitidwa ndi katswiri kapena mwadzidzidzi. Palibe chiyeso chimodzi chodziwitsa zizindikiro za kugonana. Mayesero ena amadziwika kuti khalidwe labwino ndi khalidwe la munthuyo komanso chifukwa cha deta imeneyi amalankhula za chikhalidwe kapena zachikhalidwe. Ena amati akufufuza khalidwe lawo la kugonana, malingaliro, zilakolako ndi zokonda kuti afotokoze za vuto lawolo. Ndizomveka kugwiritsira ntchito mayesero kuchokera ku gulu lachiwiri, popeza amuna ndi akazi ambiri omwe amagonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amakhala ndi makhalidwe abwino kwambiri kwa anthu omwe si amuna kapena akazi anzawo.
Kuti mudziwe chilakolako chanu cha ichi kapena mtundu wa kugonana, yankhani mafunso otsatirawa.
- kodi mumamvera mnzanu wapamtima? Kodi mukufuna kumukumbatira, kumukakamiza, mwinamwake kumutonthoza iye ndi chinachake? Kodi mumakonda kumukhudza?
- Kodi mungapite kukayezetsa kuti muyese kugonana kwanu?
- Kodi kusokera kwa akazi kumakondweretsa iwe? Kodi mumaganiza za thupi lachikazi? Kodi mumayamikira maonekedwe okongola a akazi?
- kuwerenga za kugonana, kodi mumakayikira zomwe mumachita, kodi mukuopa kuti mungathe kusamukira ku "msasa" wina?
- kodi mumamva chifundo, chikondi, chifundo, kufunikira kumvetsetsa ndi kukhululukira ena?
- kodi mumamva bwanji? Kodi ndi zophweka kuti musinthe malingaliro amodzi kwa wina, kodi ndi zophweka kukuchotsani - kuseka, kukhumudwitsa, mkwiyo, kukondwa kapena manyazi?
- Kodi mumawona maloto osokoneza bongo? Kodi muli ndi kugonana?
- Kodi mumakonda kugonana? Kodi mumakonda zosokoneza, zoyesera ndi zosiyana pa kugonana? Kodi mukuganiza kuti kugonana sikuli
Kodi pangakhale zoletsedwa ngati onse awiri akuchitika mosangalala? - kodi mukufuna kuyesa "ZHMZH"?
Mafunso omwe mumapeza kuchokera ku mayankho abwino ("inde", "inde" osati "ayi"), amatha kukhala ndi mwayi wokhala ndi zibwenzi. Ngati munena kuti "ayi" ku mafunso onse, ndiye kuti muli 100% ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Ngakhale mayankho oterewa angathenso kukambirana za mavuto muzochitika zogonana, komanso za chiwerewere chochepa kwambiri pa chiwerewere.