Ophunzira a sayansi ya kugonana kuchokera kwa katswiri wa zamaganizo
Nchifukwa chiyani timataya chidwi ndi kugonana? Kodi mungakwaniritse bwanji "chilakolako"? Kodi ndingaphunzire kukhala ndi chisangalalo kuchokera pachibwenzi? Mayankho a mafunso awa amaperekedwa ndi katswiri wamaganizo Emily Nagoski m'buku lake "Momwe Mkazi Amafunira" (Mann, Ivanov ndi Ferber Publishing House).
Kodi zilibe kanthu?
Tsiku lina wogula anafunsa Emily Nagoski chifukwa chake "chilakolako chabwino" chiri kutaya. Kwa izi, katswiri wa zamaganizo anayankha kuti palibe chabwino. Zambiri zowonjezera kusamba. Nthawi zina zimakhala zovuta kwambiri, ndipo nthawizina - zofooka. Kusamba kumakhala kovuta, koma malingana ndi momwe zidzakhalira nthawi yosangalatsa, kapena ntchito yovuta.
Kotero ndi moyo wa kugonana. Zokambirana - maganizo ndi zochitika kunja - zimakhudza kukhala ndi chisangalalo, komanso kusangalala ndi ndondomekoyi. Panthawi imodzimodziyo, aliyense wa ife ali ndi dongosolo lake lolimbikitsa, lomwe limalimbitsa ndi kufooketsa "chipsyinjo" cha chilakolako. Mwachitsanzo, ngati munthu wina "ayamba" m'malo okhutira, ndiye kwa ena, vuto lomwelo lingakhale loipa.
Zinthu zokondweretsa ndi zolepheretsa
Kuti mukhale ndi moyo wapamtima, choyamba muyenera kumvetsa zomwe zimakondweretsa ndikukukhumudwitsani. Kuti muchite izi, pangani ndandanda iwiri. Poyamba, tchulani zochitika zonse zomwe zimakuthandizani kuti mukhale ndi chilakolako, ndi zina-zomwe zimakulepheretsani kuti mukhale osangalala.
Pano pali kachilombo kakang'ono. Kumbukirani nthawi zowonongeka kwambiri pamoyo wanu ndipo lembani mayankho a mafunso awa:
"Mukuwoneka bwanji?"
- Munamva bwanji?
- Muli ndi maganizo otani?
- Kodi wokondedwa wanu (mawonekedwe, fungo, khalidwe ndi zina zotero)?
- Munali njira zotani? Ndinakumana kangati? Kodi mudakondana kwambiri?
- Ndi kuti ndi kuti ndi kuti ndi kuti ndi kuti ndi ziti?
- Kodi mukukumbukira zochitika zapadera (mwachitsanzo, zinachitika pa tchuthi)?
- Ndi zinthu ziti zomwe inu ndi mnzanuyo munachita?
Ndipo tsopano ganizirani za zovuta zokhudzana ndi kugonana ndikufotokozera mfundo zomwe zikugwiritsidwa ntchito mofanana.
Kusamba kwakukulu, kupirira kuleza mtima ndi masokosi ofunda
Zina mwazolimbikitsa zitha kukhala chirichonse. Mwachitsanzo, wina amachititsa chidwi ndi mtima wapadera wa wokondedwa. Kwa mmodzi wa makasitomala a Emily Nagoski, chizindikiro chodabwitsa kwambiri chokongoletsa ndi malo osambira ambiri mu hotela. Msungwanayo atazindikira izi, nthawi yomweyo anayamba kukonza nyumba.
Mkazi wina adapeza kuti amakondwera kwambiri ndi chibwenzi, pamene mzakeyo amamuyendetsa pang'onopang'ono masana ndi chithandizo ndi kukondana. Analankhula ndi mwamuna wake - ndipo kugonana kwawo kunali koyenera. Mwachidziwikire, inu tsopano mukudziwa momwe mungachitire.
Komabe, musaiwale kuti zinthu zina zimapangitsa kukhala kovuta kusangalala. Ngakhale mutakhala ndi zizindikiro zabwino zowonongeka, zikhoza kuchepetsa chilichonse. Nthawi zina zimakhala zophweka kuthetsa izo. Mwachitsanzo, panthawi ya phunziro limodzi, amuna sangathe kufika pamimba mpaka ataloledwa kuvala masokosi. Zikuoneka kuti nkhanizo zimangozizira.
Ngati uli wozizira kwambiri, tenga bulangeti. Kuthetsa? Tembenuzani mpweya wabwino. Anthu oyandikana nawo akusowa mtendere? Dikirani nthawi yamtendere kapena kupeza malo ena. Koma izi ndi zochitika zakunja chabe. Chofunika kwambiri ndi zomwe zimachitika mumutu mwanu. Ndi ichi ndipo yesani kumvetsa tsopano.
Kusokonezeka maganizo
Zovuta zilizonse zimawonedwa ndi ubongo waumunthu kukhala pangozi kwa moyo. Ntchito yolemetsa kuntchito, mikangano ndi anzako, bwana wankhanza - kwa dongosolo lanu la mitsempha ndi chimodzimodzi ndi mkango wanjala umene ukukwera kwa iwe. Inde, pansi pa zikhalidwe zoterezi, simugonanapo konse.
Malingana ndi akatswiri a zamaganizo, sikokwanira kuthana ndi vuto lomwe linayambitsa vuto. Ndi kofunika kupatsa ubongo chizindikiro kuti chirichonse chiri choyenera. Pachifukwa ichi, mukhoza kuchita masewera, kusinkhasinkha, kugona bwino, kupita kumsambo kapena kulira ndi kufuula kuti muchotse malingaliro oipa.
Kudzudzula
Kafukufuku wopangidwa pakati pa akazi amasonyeza kuti omwe sakhutira ndi thupi lawo ndipo amakhala ovuta kudzichepetsera ndi zovuta kwambiri kuti azisangalala ndi kugonana. Ndipo n'zosadabwitsa. Zimandivuta kukondana, ngati mukukhala mukudandaula kuti mabere anu akungokhalira kugwedeza komanso ngati wothandizirayo akuzindikira kupweteka kwambiri m'mimba mwake.
Phunzirani kukonda thupi lanu momwe ziliri. Nthawi zonse muziganiziranso pagalasi ndipo muwazindikire onse olemekezeka. Limbikitsani kutsutsidwa mkati kuti mukhale chete. Mwa njira, izi zimagwirira ntchito osati kunja. Simuyenera kupirira kosatha chifukwa cha zolephera zanu ndi zolakwa zanu. Maganizo awa angangotengera kuvutika maganizo. Mmalo mwake, yesetsani kudzichitira nokha ndi chifundo ndi chifundo.
Kusakhulupirira kwa mnzanu
Chinthu china chomwe chimakhudza kwambiri mphamvu zathu zokhumba chilakolako cha kugonana ndiko kudalira munthu wosankhidwa.
Nthaŵi zambiri, kusakhulupirika n'kovuta kufotokoza. Ikhoza kugwirizanitsidwa ndi chidziwitso chosapindula chambuyomu. Mwachitsanzo, ngati makolo asakuperekere mokwanira kapena mwakhala mukusowa mtendere, ndiye kuti mumakhala ndi mantha ena.
Ndipo chiyani pamapeto? Mwinanso mungayambe kuzunzika mnzanu ndi nsanje ndi kulakalaka kwambiri, kapena, m'malo mwake, zidzakhala kutali kwambiri ndi kuzizira. Inde, kugonana ndi izo sikukhala bwinoko.
Yesetsani kumvetsetsa bwino maganizo anu. Musadzitsutse nokha kapena mnzanuyo. Ingokuvomereza kuti iwo ali nanu. Ganizirani momwe mungapiririre. Nthawi zina kusinkhasinkha kumathandiza kumathandiza, mukangoyamba kulira, ndipo nthawi zina njira yabwino ndiyo kugawana malingaliro anu ndi wokondedwa wanu. Ndiwo okha amene mumatha kupeza njira yoyenera.
Zambiri zokhudza momwe mungagwirire ntchito ndi zokhuza moyo wathu wa kugonana - m'buku "Kodi mkazi akufuna bwanji?"